A circle in 12 parts: Leo

This year’s circle in 12 parts features guest artists chosen by zodiac sign, my guest for Leo is Sianed Jones:

When Jacob asked me to take part in the Leo sign earlier this year I was delighted and I was well. Subsequently I am in a reduced state. Something completely alien to me and to the image I have of myself, my identity, the understanding of the traits of my Leo sign. All my life I have been a performer, revelling in attention, social situations, organising, inventing projects, energised and enthusiastic, embracing inclusivity culturally, politically and creatively.

The day of our improvistion was a momentus one for me. My physical state is complete exhaustion.I am able to fix myself things to eat and drink and then I sleep once more until I have to feed myself again. Walking takes a million muscles, even sitting in a chair is hard work walking upstairs is a supreme effort.

I chose piano as my instrument of the day. I felt that I would have enough energy to press the keys down. I loved the improvisation, floating in and out of Jacob’s soundsapes picking out some similar rhythms even choosing some of the same notes sometimes. I revelled in the idea of echoing the repetitions brought by a stuck record, able to fade in and out, in time, out of time, in key, out of key. There was another quality to my playing brought on by the fact that I had no extraneous energy, I had to flow with gentleness, two handed dexterity almost out the window. The first time in my life I have played without the fizzed up adrenaline of ‘performance’.

You could say that I am the furthest away from Leo that I have ever been in my life. I have to surrender. I have to have patience. I have to adjust my expectations of what I am capable of. Each day is different. Each hour stretches longer than I thought possible. My Leo identity is off with the wind, floating sky high, ungraspable, amorphous.

In my well days I looked at Jacobs collection of records and was suddenly wanting to hear 1970’s nostalgia, No 1 hits when I was in my teens. Totally bizarre! I think I have been reaching back to myself as a teenager, those years where you are finding out who you are, meanwhile developing crushes on androgynous long haired pop stars. I was a weirdo in school carrying my violin to orchestra practice, my father was the art teacher in my school, another unusual circumstance.

Jacob has drawn me a beautiful birth chart full of intriguing marks and signs and symbols. It all seems to happen on one side of the circle. I imagine that might be significant. As my mother has never remembered the time of my actual birth Jacob has taken mid day as the time. I look forward to having a conversation with him deciphering the planetary positions and influences through my life.

I have been told I shall get well again. Perhaps the next time Leo comes around I shall be a subtler, gentler, more rounded and humbler version of my Leo self

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